Saturday, June 27, 2009



Pas les balançoires...

Mood Swings.

It all started last night. I was just sitting, facebooking and twitting when all of a sudden, I felt like I was about to burst into tears. No apparent reason. No, I am not PMSing. Couldn't shake off the feeling but managed to keep everything bottled inside, as any sane insane person would.

But later that night, as I was lying in bed next to hubby, I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I exploded. I started crying like a mad woman! Why? Well no specific reason in particular. It's probably just a combination of a million things.

My guess? Death. I hate it. It scares me... To death. And every time I'm faced with it, or the thought of it, I freak out. Obviously, all the buzz around yesterday's events must have acted like some sort of catalyst.

So I start a long tirade in between sobs about how life is short and we're spending it away from each other with all his business trips. And sometimes I hope we would just go back home and even if it means living with our parents and don't care if we make enough money to sustain our family. And then I start thinking about my parents and my sister and how everyone is in a different country... And how life is short and we're spending apart... And somehow the vicious circle closes and I get stuck inside with no way out.

But let's face it. It's not only about my usual separation anxiety and death paranoia. I've been stressed for a few days now.

Hadhoud has been scheduled to travel to the USA for a while and he finally got his Visa last week. So his trip was far from being a surprise but as we slowly got closer to his departure, I slowly got closer to a nervous breakdown. The Air France flight that claimed so many lives only a few weeks ago is still on my mind and it's not helping my newfound phobia of airplanes. I used to be able to travel and actually enjoy it. Now every time I set foot in a plane, I start to freak out. Blame it on stress. Aging. Vivid imagination. Whatever. It started the first time back in 2005. I remember the incident. I started to have a panic attack right after I buckled my seatbelt and the palpitations didn't stop for a good half hour or more.

And it's not only when I'm the one traveling. I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack every time someone I love has to travel which is insane: Hadhoud's on a plane every freaking week!

So anyway, he was sweet enough to calm me down at an godforsaken hour, as usual. Rationally. We had discussed all his traveling before he took the job and we had both agreed it was OK because it was only until December (and I am really OK with it, deep down), then the trips would be less frequent and only if really necessary. And of course as usual, I move on to realize that we worked hard to earn what we currently have, and we have a good life, and health (despite the manageable ups and downs in that area) and we'll soon expand our family God willing, and we'll be able to provide for a safe and steady future. And finally, I could to sleep. Well not immediately, but at least I gave Hadhoud a (really) few hours of sleep before a long day.

This morning we woke up at 5:00 and had some coffee, then waited for the airport pick up car.

I think I'm OK today. Well, I'm actually drowsy from sleep deprivation so to speak, so I can't really know for certain :-P

Local Time in Dubai ✮ Sat. June 27 10:00

Hadhoud has been sitting in his cabin since 8:30. He's very happy. He got an upgrade from his business class booking to first class. I'm relieved about this because he's on meds at the moment as he's suffering from major back pains and he couldn't find the time check it out between his flying back and forth from Qatar to Dubai (respectively for client/project and USA visa) during the past couple of weeks. And now he's stuck in a cabin for 17 hours which cannot possibly help. Business class seats on Emirates Airlines are usually quite comfortable so we were feeling better about the whole thing. And apparently, the flight was full and Hadhoud was eligible for an upgrade since he's a frequent flyer (gold skywards member -- all this traveling should have some kind of positive outcome, right?) and so they moved him to a first class cabin. He blackberried me a photo before take off:

Hubby's message:
"U can see my cabin and to the right is my minibar
Sent from Blackberry"

He obviously started playing video games the minute he sat his butt down :-) I thought he would have been tired from all his time on PlayStation at the lounge, by apparently, he's always got spare energy for games! :-)

He promised to call the minute he lands, which won't be before 1:30 am. Today's going to be one long, stressful day.

Update 1 ✮ Local Time Sat. June 27 15:30

Wondering what Hadhoud is doing right now... Or watching... Last night he checked online for all the films available on his flight :-)

Well, not really an update, but what can I do? I am just sitting there, doing absolutely nothing. Just wanting this day to end, 1:30am to finally be there, and Hadhoud to call me and tell me he arrived safely...

Update 2 ✮ Local Time Sat. June 27 19:00

The mild headache that hasn't left me since last night just officially turned into a freaking migraine! :-(

Update 3 ✮ Local Time Sat. June 27 20:00

A little less than six hours to go... I'm useless today! Did absolutely nothing! Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Except for counting the hours, obviously. Can't wait for that phone to finally ring!

Update 4 ✮ Local Time Sat. June 27 21:30

Loume finally finished work and is on his way home and because he's a good brother, he called to check if I wanted to go have lunch/dinner (he hasn't eaten all day). Somehow I managed to fight with him over absolutely nothing which was a change from all the fighting I've been doing against myself and agreed to get out of the house. I'm not really hungry, managed to everything sugary in my kitchen, and I could possibly throw up, but since I hate vomiting and I'm usually so scared of it I literally faint, I'll pass on the throwing up and go have dinner instead (Doesn't make sense? Who cares?) It will be good for me. Maybe these freaking hours will pass a little faster if I'm out, not staring at a stupid clock.

Waiting for Loume to get here.

Update 4 ✮ Local Time Sat. June 27 23:00

Just got back home. HAPPY! SOOO HAPPY! You guessed? Hadhoud called :-) I'm so happy! We were heading back to the car and he called at 22:45 to give me some news! Yes! Me so happy! Can't stop saying it! :-) He let me know he's fine, no back pain, enjoying a very comfy trip in his cabin; had a nap, watched movies and quite satisfied with the whole trip so far. Only set back: the flight will be a bit delayed because they had to stop in Canada (???!!!!) to drop off a lady who got sick during the trip. My heart dropped! Sick?! What kind of sick? Not the flu kind right? Well no, apparently, it's not swine flu. She has a condition or something and they had to take her to the hospital. They will take off again in about an hour which means that I won't hear from Hadhoud before 3am but that's OK. I'm glad I got some feedback now at least. Finally! ;-)

I will be posting this now. And if you're still interested, you can still come back here to get the remaining updates :-)

Update 5 ✮ Local Time Sun. June 28 01:30

It seems that I won't be able to stay up and update this in real time... They ended up taking off at about 1:00 which means that Hadhoud still has about three more hours to go before finally landing:

Hubby's message:
Sunday, June 28, 2009 12:41 AM
"Taking off in 5 mins will arrive to san fransisco in 2-3 hrs. Plz go to sleep.
Sent from Blackberry"

Update 6 ✮ Local Time Sun. June 28 09:00

Got an SMS from Hadhoud at 7:00 but didn't hear the phone. He mentioned he had finally arrived to the hotel and he would send me an email with the details. And so here it is below. THANK GOD THIS DAY IS OVER! (Don't even want to think about his trip back home :-P)

Hubby's last message:
Note: Hadhoud enjoys pronouncing California with an Arnold accent :-P so he made sure he kept all his authenticity in writing as well :-P

Sent: Sunday, June 28, 2009 8:49 AM
Subject: update from cali for nia

Yalo from Californiiiiia

I am sitting on the coach but I feel very dizzy…too tired and I need to go get some sleep. Today’s trip was cool but tiring. There was a lady who was very sick so we had to stop at Calgary-Canada and this added around 3 hours to the trip, total flying is 20. Anyway can’t nag a lot coz really the first class in this plane is a lifetime experience, pictures do not reflect the true luxury…really wow. [...] it’s a private suite with everything you can dream of, food is a la carte whatever you want whenever you want, Dom Perignon… the suite has a minibar and they even make your bed if you want…and give you pijamas… [...] Anyway when I reached SFO airport, as expected I was sent to another security check and this is the office where you can wait for hours. I was lucky, a very nice guy took me to the office and took all the details in less than 20 minutes he was extremely nice and he said that he cleared me from the system so hopefully next time I won’t need further checks he was also bragging that SFO airport are efficient and not like JFK where people spend hours, even in security they have competition :-) anyway everything was good after that, took the car (Mitsubishi eclipse) and drove to Monterey, 2 hours of driving ….finally got there…very tired. I got you some pictures from Plane, Calgary and SFO-California road. I will call you tomorrow when I wake up, probably your afternoon. Love you

. S H A R E . T H I S . P ✮ S T .

Ma Page sur Hellocoton

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