Monday, March 15, 2010

The Miracle of Life


A short film (or not)

Public restrooms are the worst! They're the reason why I stay imprisoned in my home all day! Why would I ever want to put myself through such anguish, seriously? One would expect the little boy’s room to be kind of a mess; but girls? Come on ladies! These are PUBLIC restrooms; people are going to be using them after you! You wouldn’t even treat your own toilet like that; so why torture others? Next to that little “No Smoking” sign, there should be a “No Showering” sign! Not once have I stepped foot in a public lavatory and didn’t find the slippery floor all disgusting and wet! Not to mention the rolls of toilet paper stuck on the floor, with footsteps all over them! Why on Earth do you have to shower in there? It’s a public place intended for rather soiling activities; how on earth do you feel comfortable enough to wash (and supposedly clean?) yourself in there?!?! Every time I have to use the restrooms, I need to fold my pants all the way up to my knees in order to avoid having them getting all wet (and so much more… yeuk!)

Note: I am NOT talking about the ablution before prayer time. Most malls have special locations for that anyway. I am talking about women who think it is OK to wash their; well let's call them "private areas" once they're done with their; err, let's call them "toilet businesses"... Yes, feel free to be disgusted now. I didn't want to go into that much detail but it was brought to my attention that what I had initially written could be misunderstood as an attack against ablution.

A short film II: The revenge

To add insult to injury, as I was washing my hands, a young, thin, pretty woman came in, stood at the basin right next to mine (although all the others were free as well) and decided to forcefully and loudly blow her nose inside the sink with her cute little fingers only, and splashing the whole thing with a little bit of water! Then she simply rinsed her hands (no soap needed) and proceeded to dry them… Need I say more?

Afraid to drink that damn coffee…
Wouldn’t want to have to go back through Hell’s Toilet again!

Ah Qu’Elles Sont Jolies Les filles De Mon Pays

Moving on from the charming toilet ladies to more “Beauty by Her”

Yes, they are beautiful les filles de mon pays; inside and out.
Not that they care much about the “inside”…

A friend recently heard the following discussion at a renowned café in Beirut:

Two 30-something women discussing their very first pregnancies:

Pregnant Lady 1 (PL1): I am so worried it’s going to be a girl and she’s going to be a little fatty like her dad! Her father was a huge baby and I don’t even want to imagine how painful it’s going to be to give birth to such a gigantic child!

Pregnant Lady 2 (PL2): What are you worried about, you can always have a C-section! I’m worried mine’s going to be a boy and he’ll turn out gay like his uncle! I hear it’s genetic!

PL1: What will you do if it’s a boy??

PL2: I’m going to have to be very careful and I’ll put him in a mixed school and pay extra attention to his behavior.

PL3: If it’s a girl and she’s fat, I’m going to be stuck taking care of her diet all her life!

Yes ladies, life’s tough.
Then again who could blame you?
Apparently obesity and homosexuality are not the only hereditary misfortunes; so is stupidity!

The future grandmothers’ don’t sound any better (which makes sense if you think about it). One of them was telling one these pregnant sweethearts: “My God, giving birth is going to be so painful and torturous and you won’t be able to sit for days” or something like that…

Nicely played mom.

First of all…

And to reassure everyone: the boy won’t carry any “gay gene”; and if he does turn out to be like his uncle, a mixed school is not what’s going to “straighten” him…

God I hate homophobia! Is there no limit to the amount of ignorance out there?!?!

I know some guys who don’t mind lesbianism, they actually find it quite exciting (and it probably turns them on but they wouldn’t say it in front of their wives); but the minute it’s two guys making love, all hell breaks loose!

Why? Because if one XY carrier could be gay, that means any XY manly man could potentially be gay; Oh the horror!

Conclusion: Homosexuality is a direct attack on their personal manliness!
(Ah, the bliss of ignorance; lovely…)


Who calls their unborn baby a “little fatty”???

What the hell is wrong with society?

The definition of beauty has become so shallow and dull that even a baby has to be compared to air-brushed-botoxed-surgically-enhanced-anorexic-barbie dolls? Seriously??


Mom, come on… You’re about to be a grandma’.
Are you out of your freaking (and obviously empty) mind?

The minute I heard this story, I couldn’t but think of my own mom.

Ma petite maman chérie who left everything and everyone and came to care for me the first time I got pregnant.

She was so worried I would get the same kind of pregnancy she endured: nine months of non-stop nausea and vomiting, with her arms constantly wired to an IV bag even in the delivery room! The vomiting stopped literally only once the baby (i.e. me) got out! She had the exact same experience throughout her three pregnancies!

So understandably, she got worried.
My aunts all got worried.
And my grandma started praying.
All of them together used more candles than the Vatican would in a year!
All that just for me…

I knew the stories too. And I got kind of worried too. Especially that once the pregnancy took its toll; I found myself unable to lift my head and nauseous every minute of every day and night!

My mom was not as bright as the mother I talked about earlier though.

No, my poor mommy simply stood by me, cooked for me, held my head when I couldn’t move anymore, and told me over and over again: “All pregnancies are not the same and they are not hereditary. Your grandmother and aunts all have had different pregnancies. You are not like me and you won’t be like me. You’ll be fine. Once the first trimester is over, you’ll be back on your feet”.

Then I had my miscarriage.

And then I got pregnant again (here, here, here, here, here and here). And I couldn’t help but think of my first pregnancy; and again, mom stood there, watching over me and telling me everything will be OK and even if I was in bad shape the first time, that doesn’t mean it’ll be that bad the second time (completely contradicting her own experiences by the way; I told you she wasn’t as bright as the mother in my story above).

Then I had my second miscarriage.

And as I sit here, sipping coffee; I can’t help but think:

I would have loved to have a cute little fatty or adorable gay-baby-boy sleeping next to me at the coffee shop, in one of these cute and oh-so-modern Ferrari or McLaren trolleys.

(Oh yes, I said it! A little gay-baby-boy! Every single time one of those homophobic ignoramuses thinks he’s outsmarted everyone, he throws the final argument that will supposedly end all arguments: “What if your son comes to you one day and says ‘Mom, I am gay’, what then?”… “Euuuh What, what then? What? I kill myself? No I kill him first, then I kill myself”… And going back to the initial XY theory above, it’s only gay men that scare them because never has any one of these geniuses asked me “What if you daughter came to you and told you she was gay”… Ah the bliss of ignorance - bis)

Anyway… Moving on.

Ok, fine, I’ll end up on a positive thought about those lovely moms-to-be because let’s face it, there’s nothing more beautiful than the miracle of life:

Those bitches are going to make wonderful mothers… And they’ll also make cute little complexes-obsessed-phobic babies who in turn will make a lot of therapists very happy. And rich.

That my friends, is the circle of life.

(What? That was positive… We’ve got at the very least two very happy parties: moms & therapists… Who the hell cares about the kids??)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Michelle Keserwany on Banadoura


Listening right now to the girl who brought us Jagal El USEK: the one and only, the talented Michelle Keserwany interviewed on The Banadoura Podcast

And did I tell you she was nice enough to mention us and the previous post where we got to finally meet her :) Can't wait for the CD ... and her artwork! Turns out she paints and works as an illustrator too. The girl has many many talents!

Enough blabla... Go there and listen for yourself ;)
+ bonus interview with the lovely tante Isabelle :)

Merci Michelle and Toni!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

My Hollow Thoughts of the Day


  1. I would love to have a bigger rear end, something like J. Lo’s … Not Jell-O. Thought I’d be specific, God’s a funny dude and sometimes, just for kicks, He may give you what you asked for; but not necessarily what you meant for

  2. I would love to be green to the fullest (again specifying: not the color, the environment-friendly eco- conscious chick) but I just love to drink my coffee in those paper cups… I like my mugs… at home. Is it only me or does coffee really taste differently in paper? Just thought of that because I’m actually drinking mine right now in a porcelain mug, and I’m cursing every time my teeth hit the cup (ouch)

  3. While we’re on coffee shops; I’m really wondering why the hell food in those places suck so much! First of all, it’s like the unhealthiest stuff ever and yet they kind of look good; so you go ahead, break your “diet rules”, and have something. Then you just curse at how bad the thingy tastes and decide to kill time by playing: “how old is this cake?”

  4. I’ve been wanting to get a Blackberry for a while now. Just got it a few days ago. Now I’m wanting to get something else (nothing's ever enough, is it?): more BB friends for my messenger. BB is really useless if you don’t need to be connected at all times. And right now, only three of my girlfriends (and hubby + brother) own one. Which means that I am left to play with emoticons on my own… I want a BB emoticon buddy

WHAT? I’m entitled to some vanity, shallowness and stupidity every once in while!

If you want some "substance" (ahem, yes, very deep I know), just step here for a while...

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Sexing it up a little bit


Recently a friend of mine, let’s call him XY… because he’s a boy (hahaha)… OK, Sorry about this lousy joke, I am filled with stupid boring jokes today (to hubby’s despair) and I haven’t been able to shut up yet.

So, again, recently a friend of mine, let’s call him XY, was very upset because he found out that the girl of his dreams, the one he had planned to marry, the love of his life is in fact a bisexual. He discovered this by mistake when she let him read an SMS she had received from her girlfriend and he confronted her by saying he felt like there was something sexual implied and she ended up spilling it out.

Obviously he was mad about the whole thing…

He was enraged that she had the audacity to tell him she loved him and yet have sex… with women.

Dude, you got it all wrong!

You should be upset, yes.

Not because she’s a bisexual; truly, pleasure and sexual orientation are personal and people are free to do as they please.

But you should be upset because you committed to someone and that person promised to commit to you in return, and then ended up betraying that commitment. That’s all.

Whether she’s sleeping around with men, women or inflatable dolls is really not the issue here.

I am big on trust.
And I am big on faithfulness.

Cheating is lying.
I hate all sorts of lies and I loathe liars.

I know, that was pretty final but it’s because I don’t compromise on that.

Also, I am a grown up woman who understands that some people simply do not want to commit; which is fine as long as they’re honest with their partners and clearly explain they do not intend on committing to an exclusive relationship.

And suffice to say I don’t care about anyone’s sexual orientation as long as they don’t impose it on others. Adults have the right to practice whatever it is they enjoy, with other consenting adults.

(Needless to say rape, pedophilia and bestiality do not fall in that “consenting adults” category.)

But to betray someone on grounds of bisexuality is a bit offensive.
For both the party cheated on and for bisexuals (and probably also homosexuals) everywhere.

As if having sex with someone from the same gender is not really having sex; i.e. not cheating.

It is one thing to say to someone:
“Listen, I’ve been with both men and women in my life, I am a bisexual, yes, but I want to commit to you”
“I am seeing other people (whether men or women is irrelevant)” ;
And it is totally another story to say:
“I love you, you are the man of my life, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, the one I want to have children with” and then go ahead and be with other people at the same time, and in hiding.

(The “hiding” part says it all; and clarifies that all excuses are just empty lies because honesty doesn’t require secrecy.)

So dear XY, let me tell you that I have bisexual and homosexual friends. None of them are cheaters and when they commit to their partners, they do it to the fullest. My advice to you is to go out there and find yourself someone as honest as these friends of mine, someone who will commit completely, and basically, someone will not lie to you.

And please, to those readers out there who are about to say this girl was probably afraid to come out and tell the truth because homosexuality and bisexuality are taboo in our country:

She didn’t have to come out.
Just like she didn’t have to pretend committing.
She could have simply said: “I want to see other people.”

The lying and cheating is what I’m taking issue with.
Not the sexual orientation.

That being said, I completely acknowledge we live in a harsh, violent society that in many instances forces us to lie, hide or pretend.

Hoping for Human Rights

Finally, it is important and relevant for me to conclude with the following:

Sexual freedom is a crucial right.

The freedom to be happy is undeniable and I hope that one day our country will finally understand that tolerance and respect of others’ choices, whether we agree with them or not, are so vital for a healthy society.

And hopefully, then, we’d find less of these young people forced to hide the truth about themselves, living in pretend relationships, while realizing their true person in secrecy.

I do know of a couple like that: a husband and a wife, both homosexuals, and who got married just so society (and their families) would get off their backs; and who now live their separate sexual lives freely, but not openly.

Truly sad to have to resort to drastic measures such as a phony marriage in order to live in peace, sort of.

With women getting closer to full citizenship and equal civil rights, I can’t help but hope all Lebanese citizens will one day be accepted without prejudice or narrow-mindedness.

Discrimination is unacceptable, on any grounds!
Intolerance is hatred and hatred is poison.
We need to learn to coexist in a healthy and nonviolent way.

And we need to redefine what’s “good” and “bad” because it is obvious that these notions have been distorted so much throughout history, it is becoming impossible to really understand them anymore!

The same applies to the meanings of “legal” and “criminal”…

(I just can’t get over how archaic and brutal our legal system is!
Reforms people, reforms!
Tolerant laws are not so difficult to accomplish, especially for such a religious people as the Lebanese who claim they are believers, root for God in about everything in their daily life; and yet can’t accept God’s most precious creation: mankind)

Monday, March 8, 2010

International Women's Day


Today is International Women's Day and I would like to start by mentioning my favorite girls ever: my mom & my sister :) I love you & I miss you!

Also, a special mention goes to all my girlfriends, the ones I adore, the fun ones and even the ones who drive me nuts! :)

Last but not least, I can't help but mention all those strong, beautiful women everywhere who fight on a daily basis for their rights, their loved ones, or even just to survive.

AbaadBlogs is dedicating a special edition of Women-related blogs to celebrate March 8 and I couldn't help but participate in some way. So here we go... :)

Congrats to Lebanon!

It seems that finally, we've stepped a little closer to a fair society with women acquiring equal nationality rights.

Background for non-Lebanese readers: up until now, women could not give the Lebanese nationality to their children or husband.

Many excuses were often given for years, the strongest being the rights for Palestinians to reclaim their land and citizenship rights in Palestine. It sounds like a position to protect Palestinian interests whose diaspora holds a "refugee" status in Lebanon (and to be fair, most of the pro-Palestine activists genuinely have these interests at heart). These refugees do not benefit from any civil right (another fight we hope will soon end with reformed laws that would remedy the humanitarian disaster Palestinian refugees have to endure in our country) which means that they can't get employed, can't vote or benefit from any state assistance while they've spent and most probably will spend their entire life in Lebanon.

Allowing Lebanese wives to pass on nationality would possibly result in more Palestinian men marrying Lebanese women to gain full citizenship; and thus civil rights.

It should also be noted that many Lebanese women are already married to Palestinian men and the nationality law would not grant their children any civil rights either since they've been considered so far Palestinian only in the eyes of the law.

Activists have been fighting for years for women to gain full citizenship rights in Lebanon and it seems we're one step closer!

So you can see how this is is a true victory for human and women rights in our country!

Now I can't wait for more equality...

Like, I don't know, off the top of my head, maybe a secular state and laws to govern all Lebanese citizens equally...