Endings and Beginnings

2017 has ended. I have lived through enough new year's eves to know nothing special will magically materialize and this is not really a new beginning of anything. It is just another tomorrow. 

But I have also lived through one amazing 2017 that taught me you can make new beginnings happen at any point in time not just in January. Mine took place this past August and it was truly my own little revolution. 

For some years now, I have been numb. It may not have been obvious because I smile and laugh a lot and people around me tend to think I am this light, happy person. A big part of me is.

But there also is this hole inside my chest that has been driving me insane. I managed to put some of that anxiety into words and I am still working hard on fixing what needs to be fixed. There is no magic pill, it will take whatever time it takes. 

But somehow this past summer something shifted. Something that made me want to start working on myself and address my pain in a constructive manner. Something made me want to get out of that hole. 

I was back home in Lebanon where we spend our summers in the mountains of Ehden and my brother came from Dubai with a group of friends. He asked me to sort out some activities for them and I thought, well, why not join them. I had always wanted to do these things and kept putting them off for some reason. Laziness. Routine. No one to join me. Who knows. But now, a group of fun people were coming over and I did not have to go by myself (which was never going to happen). And so I did. 

On August 16, 2107 I flew. 

Literally. 

I jumped off a cliff. And I flew. 

It was the most liberating feeling I had ever felt. 

And in an instant, I started thinking of all the things I had wanted to do and kept postponing and I began to wonder why. Flying is probably one of the hardest and there I was, above the mountains. Happy and at peace and nothing dramatic had happened. I was still alive. More than ever before in fact. And it was all so simple. It was just pure organic perfection. 

And so it begun. A series of challenges and little victories ensued and changed everything I was and who I decided to become. 

I could not leave Ehden before flying one more time and upon my return to Dubai, I hunted for paragliding in the UAE too. 

A post shared by Rouba Abouzeid (@abouzeid) on Aug 27, 2017 at 8:35am PDT

Nothing compares to that state of being and mind. 

My therapist calls this event, my little revolution. I think she could not be more spot on! She accurately summed it all up with a couple of charming and beautiful words that seem to be just that but which carry in actuality so much more weight and significance.  

A series of challenges and little victories

Following on my summer resolution to kick my butt into shape, I registered for Spartan, an Obstacle Course Race that promised to drag me in the mud. Never in a million years would I have ever dared of fantasizing about such a challenge. But I did follow through and... 

I did it!

Ok, that is not really my victory photo.

These are:

 

The reason why I took on this challenge in the first place was my son, Jad and the hopes of one day completing a Special Spartan with him. I did use my tiny spotlight to highlight Autism and hopefully, will be doing more in 2018 in that respect.

To get me mentally and physically ready for such a challenge I enlisted my very own army: Coach Youssef in Lebanon who started me on the right path and kept pushing me to trust myself.

All the while, I researched my options in Dubai to be able to pick up quickly once back home and was lucky to find The Core Coach, Ieuan Evans. His dedication is unparalleled and he started working with me remotely, before we had even met which truly impressed me and gave him a definite edge when I was selecting a coach. He sent me a couple of challenges to complete while in Lebanon and got me wanting more! By the time we got to the race, he had turned me into a Spartan beast! Well, not really. I am still my regular mortal self but I am training hard and his program is absolutely fantastic. He incorporates fun fitness elements in an otherwise boring workout (at least to the lazy couch potato that I am) and I have loved getting to try new disciplines like kickboxing, pilates and crossfit.

Photo by The Core Coach - Ieuan Evans

  

While in Lebanon, I also explored new ways to challenge myself and went hiking in Ehden's natural reserve with some friends and Coach Youssef who turned from trainer to true friend and kept supporting me in every endeavor. The Reserve was such a treat I could not believe I kept postponing it every summer!

I also undertook my very first cross-country walk down from my hometown in Ehden to Zgharta to celebrate the Assumption of the Virgin Mary. The hike took five hours for a good 30+ kilometers on foot. It was excruciating and I powered through two missed steps and ankle injuries but I was so proud in the end. The littlest victories can be the most rewarding!

And of course, I could not have returned to Dubai without trying the fun mountain activities first. From a road trip to Qurnat As Sawda, the highest peak in the region where we found snow in the middle of summer, to zip lining in the Reserve... I did it all in a few weeks time! Talk about compensating for lost years!

A post shared by Rouba Abouzeid (@abouzeid) on Aug 21, 2017 at 3:48am PDT

Dubai also gave me new flying sensations with an amazing jump above The Palm thanks to the brilliant guys at SkyDive Dubai! Yes, I took the ultimate leap and jumped off a plane. It appears the insanity will not cease any time soon!

And because the outdoors suddenly became my best friend in the summer, I also looked for options in the UAE where I could challenge myself with each event and hopefully reach new heights, both mentally and in actuality, by hiking in the mountains of Ras Al Khaimah. This is how I met the amazing people at Adventurati Outdoor. I loved them so much, I went on three consecutive hikes in the hottest months in the UAE and moved from beginners to intermediate level in no time. But they deserve their own post, so I will just keep the details for another time.

In so many ways, 2017 was one revolutionary year and it was all mine.
I cannot wait to see what 2018 brings.
Or rather, what I will bring in 2018!

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Me Vs Me

Is it me or does time fly for everyone? I just realized I have been in Lebanon for a whole month. It feels like we have just arrived.

I am trying to keep on track with my fitness goals but somehow my diet has taken a hit. Not that I put on weight (I hope! My old school scale is not very accurate here) but I am definitely stuck on a damn plateau. This has got to be the most annoying phase of a diet. 

Source: IG

I have switched from EMS to Personal Training here, mostly for practical reasons. In the little town where I am spending my summer, choices are limited and the nearest EMS studio is 40 minutes away. It seems a bit ridiculous to drive an hour and a half in scorching heat for a 20 minutes session. 

And what better motivation than to have your workout brought to you? It is not like I can escape my own home. 

Source: IG

Jokes aside, this has been hard: a whole hour, five days a week. I feel like I am getting fitter, obviously, but unfortunately, this is not reflecting on my weight yet. 

However, I have decided to stop obsessing about the scale and find new ways to motivate myself to stay fit. Because unfortunately, working out still feels like a chore. Whoever said the first 20 days are the hardest is an idiot. It never gets easy! But I guess this is where commitment comes to play. You need to want it, bad. 

New Challenges

The first time I stumbled upon Spartans on Instagram, I was floored. Who on Earth would ever do that? As my dear Vani would say: "There aren't enough wet wipes in the world!"

Then I realized these psychos were actually doing something fantastic: Special Spartans! And I told myself, one day I would race with Jad. What a monumental way to show support and raise awareness on Autism, right? That was a while ago and back then, I was very far from where I stand today and the idea of racing to something other than a cup of coffee seemed surreal. 

A few days ago, I stumbled upon a post from Spartans Arabia and decided to contact them and ask about the next race in the UAE. It turns out it is happening soon: November 10 in Hatta. If that is not the universe telling me it is not hearing my lousy excuses, then I do not know what that is!

Source: Spartan Arabia

BRING IT SPARTA!

I am so ready for you! I will train like a mad woman and I will race and... I will not die. Hopefully. It would be very unfortunate. Those races take place in the mud and all kinds of crazy, dirty holes. I am not sure anyone would pick me up if I would happen to collapse somewhere...

So this summer is like a pre-training program right now. When I get to Dubai, I have about two months to kick my butt into shape. 

Then, it's mud time baby! ;)

(Hopefully I will follow through.... LOL) 

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EMS: It's a wrap! (for now)

Sunday was my last day of EMS for the season. 

I am now in Lebanon, ready to take on something new, but that is a story for another time. 

Right now, I would like to take a moment to wrap up this first experience with EMS and just show with clear numbers how successful it actually has been.

So let me start with the beginning: My food addiction has been a problem for years. I have talked about it extensively in my previous post. Without going over the whole story again, I will just say I had tried so many diets and trainings in the past, I had lost hope I would ever get fit.

Then I saw an advert for EMS on Facebook and decided, what the hell, why not? After all, what is one more try, right? 

As a mother of two constantly on the run, I always found excuses not to exercise. But EMS seemed like a good alternative because it promised to be 20 minutes only, once or twice a week.

After a couple of trials at various studios, I ended up at Fit Express. It instantly felt different and welcoming. The atmosphere is fun and relaxed and the trainers are fantastic.

If I want to be completely honest and transparent and show the changes I have been through, I have to share the (very embarrassing) first weighing we took at Fit Express:

Weighing & Measurements at Fit Express

Date: February 13, 2017

Weight: 81 kilos (yes, I know!!) 

Full disclosure: when I first started, I did not want to diet (don't ask). On March 29, we went to Italy for the holidays and came back on April 4. At the next EMS session, I took my weight and was 83 kilos! 

It was shocking because we spent our time walking in Italy and although I knew I would not drop in size because of all the food we ate, I did not expect to put on weight. 

That is when I decided I needed to start dieting seriously because this whole thing was getting out of control. 

So to be clear, when I first committed to the program fully (workout + diet), I was:

Date: April 5, 2017 

Weight: 83 kilos (yes, I double know!!)

The next weighing on May 24, 2017 showed immediate and drastic changes (see image above). In a few weeks only, I had dropped 10 kilos! 

Date: May 24, 2017 

Weight: 73 kilos

I had intended to take my weight and measurements on my last day but I completely forgot. What I do know, is that the last time I weighed myself at home a few days ago, I was 69,6 kilos.

June 2017

So far, a total loss of 13,4 kilos.

As far as wrap-ups go, this is not bad at all. 

But it is not just about the weight loss. It's about this new lifestyle that I am really enjoying and loving now! It's about being healthy. 

This transformation has changed my whole life. I know it sounds cliché and it probably is but it feels good to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and not get so angry, tears just start rolling down your cheek for no apparent reason.

It feels fantastic to go to mainstream stores and try on clothes that actually fit and look decent on a body you are used to hating. Even if you are still trying on the sizes at the larger end of the spectrum.

The bottom line is simple: It is LOVE. 

It is more than just looking good. It is about feeling good and learning to love one's self.


The discipline that EMS kick started made all the difference. The commitment of the trainers to push while keeping it all light and fun and free from judgement really worked. The technology clearly is efficient (as far as I can tell). And of course, my commitment to change was and is still necessary to this whole process. It is not easy. The temptations are there, all the time. But trust me, it is worth it.

So if you're thinking of getting healthier or trying EMS, swing by Fit Express and give them a try. And let me know how you find it ;)

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Confessions of a Food Addict

Have you ever wondered: am I full? I think I am full but still, I will eat this whole meal. Just because it is there. Or maybe I am not really full. But I have eaten an entire adult portion that others could not even finish. How am I still able to eat after that?

Have you ever found yourself picking up that box of cookies knowing full well you will not let go of it before it is completely empty? 

Or that chocolate bar, the large one of course, thinking, I will have one square, no one row, then another until the bar is completely gone? 

Or dug into that large Nutella jar with a huge spoon, cleaning up the sides, pretending you are only trying to make a perfect surface of chocolate only to keep "cleaning up" more and more until that jar is empty? 

Or at the supermarket, picking up that M&M's pack and then returning it knowing full well you will open two so might as well take the big one? And once home, you decide you will not eat it all but just the brown ones because they are the dullest. But the orange ones look so weird, so let's get them out of the way too. There is only a few yellows so might as well put them out of their misery. And somehow, all the colors are gone and the bag is empty in five minutes.

Have you ever eaten chocolate and literally hidden the wrappings because you knew your partner or your mother or anyone who cares about you would give you grief about that binge? 

Well I have. Every day. 

It is not easy for me to write this. But I have many friends who are suffering in silence like I am. And I think it is important we quit shaming and start helping. If I can make it easier on one person out there just by opening up and telling them it is going to be ok, then I will be fine with this little humiliation:

My name is Rouba and I am a food addict.

Without a doubt. I had never looked at it this way. But today, as I am getting myself on a healthier path, I have noticed I am exactly that: a recovering addict. 

In a second, I could go back to eating like I used to. In a second, I could wipe out all of the kids treats in the house. I could. I know I have the horrifying potential to do it. I open the fridge. I see those two gigantic bars of Milka that I bought a while ago and I think "my God, I could totally eat you. The both of you. In less than a minute".  

But somehow I am not touching a thing right now. I am being extra cautious and I am not eating unless I am feeling really, really hungry. I am recording my change and progress on social media to hold myself accountable. To myself first. I do not like to fail and failing in public would be a million times worse. So I am hoping this would help keep me in check. And I take each day at a time. 

Because I am scared to death. 

What changed?

Even though I started EMS about three months ago, I did not care enough at the time to follow my trainer's advice and diet. I had somehow convinced myself that it was important and enough that I move. 

And I think I had gotten used to my weight and my shape and (un)consciously, decided, only shallow people care about their appearance.

To a certain extent, there is truth in that. 

But when your shape and your appearance are a direct reflection of your health, maybe it is time to look at yourself in a different light. 

When you are not even in your forties yet and your endocrinologist tells you your body is way older than your age and you have to start taking meds that you could have avoided by being healthy, then maybe it is time to redefine depth and shallowness.

When your meds include but are not restricted to what people who suffer from diabetes take and you have been on that path so often these pills no longer work by themselves and you now need injections then maybe, just maybe, it is not just about the size of your clothes anymore.  

Maybe you do not have to be a horrible human being and judge others for the way they look just because you decide that you need to change the way you live your life and by extension, the way you look.

The dress

My best friend asked me to be her daughter's godmother and I swear, I was so happy I literally cried. I love that child more than words could say and I so want to be there for her. 

On the other hand, I did not want to be the fat godmother standing next to the dashingly handsome doctor who happens to be the godfather.

Ok, that was vain. But it did the trick. 

So I went shopping for a dress and after weeks of looking, I found one that I absolutely loved. Nothing special, very simple but I just loved it. As luck would have it, the label does not do big sizes and when I tried the biggest one in the store I literally had to hold my breath. That zipper was going to explode all over the place like a damn A-bomb!

I bought the dress anyway. And I promised myself I would wear it. And not suffocate to death. 

And for the first time ever, I followed through on my promise.

A few days ago, I tried that dress on again and it fit like a charm. 

I have to say it: I am so proud of myself. It is only a dress, I know. But It represents so much more than that. It means that if I truly want to change my life and myself, I can. And I have.  

How did it all happen?

I am not sure to be honest. What I do know is that EMS had a lot to do with it. I felt like I was already on a path to a healthier me. And our trainer kept on repeating: "You will be stronger and fitter but you will not loose weight unless you complement your training with a diet. EMS alone is not enough". Well he was right. 

First things first: I called my doctor and got myself a new prescription for my meds because I know I cannot jump start my diet with bad insulin. I have thyroid issues for which I have been taking medications for years now and when I gained weight, I was forced to take pills to help with my insulin resistance. 

Secondly and most importantly: I shut my mouth. I started dieting properly and this combined with the meds and EMS helped me drop kilos in only a few weeks! Better yet, the workout helped me stay firm as I lost the weight. 

Now the hardest part is to keep going and reach my target weight. I still have 5 kilos to go which in the grand scheme of things is nothing compared to the 10 I have already lost. But somehow they seem to be more stubborn.

And of course, most importantly, to sustain that weight and not fall back into bad habits. This is not going to be easy. I leave Dubai and EMS in a few days to spend my summer in a remote mountain in Lebanon. But I will try. We will see. 

Wish me luck! ;)

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To fit or not to fit

I have always hated sports, for as long as I can remember. Growing up, I used to come up with excuses to get out of gym class. I never took up any sports activity and the only marathons I will ever engage in are those involving my favorite TV shows while I sit on my couch in my pajamas.

Netflix is my best friend
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I was one of those lucky kids and teens. Super skinny with absolutely zero effort on my part. Basically, I was my daughter. No matter how much junk she ingests, she stays thin. Underweight even, in my Lebanese mother's opinion. Yes, I know, an Arab mother may not be the most objective subject matter expert when it comes to children weight assessment (somehow all kids end up being classified as "underfed" with them), but still:

My beautiful daughter
Source

And because life is an ironic piece of work, when size and weight started to matter to me, my hormones pulled one on me. I began gaining kilos left and right and I have not been able to keep this madness under control since.

Every year, the "average I will settle for" seems to go up.

Now that I am approaching the big 4.0. I feel like I must do something. Not because I need to plan for my cougar years (although that's an excellent and valid incentive) but because I refuse to be that girl people remember on Facebook as "the sweet, funny but unfortunate friend who died at 40 leaving two kids behind because she was too effing lazy to move her butt".

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So I tried. Many, many programs from the Promised Land of Skinnistan. Personal Training, Zumba, Stretching, various Gym memberships and the free ones around my home... Nothing worked. Mostly because I hated them. And it probably has got to do with the fact that none of them showed actual results.

Source

Well, that also may be due to the fact that in my innocent, impatient mind, results mean dropping 15 kilos in 15 days. By the way, if you ever come across this diet while browsing the Internet, run away. It does not work!

Dropping the weight is important now. It is the immediate goal of course. But I have come to realize nothing will really work outside of a long-term program. Something sustainable that I will not easily quit the minute I walk past the Nutella Bar at Dubai Mall.

Fitness is what matters. Not size. Not weight. Fitness.

The condition of being healthy and able to move. That is the ultimate goal.

I really do not need to be skinny by anyone's standards. I just need to feel like I can play with my kids and maybe their kids one day not because I got lucky but because I planned for me to live long enough to be there.

And so the search began. Facebook has become my new Google and fortunately it had some guidance for me. About a year ago, I started seeing ads for something called "EMS" in my newsfeed. It looked interesting. Mostly because it seemed like no work at all. A 20 minutes high intensity interval program only once or twice a week. Come on now! I can do 20 minutes!

I partnered with my best friend on this Mission to Sexiness. I mean Fitness. Mission to Fitness.

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We tried out several places around town that offered EMS. We liked it. It seemed like a good plan. We know we cannot commit to a daily workout so this was the most reasonable alternative anyone had ever offered.

It turned out to be one hell of a workout though. When they say high intensity, they actually mean "the Devil himself may or may not have been involved in the design of that program".

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It is hard. It is work. And I, myself am shocked as I say this:

I  ABSOLUTELY  LOVE  IT!

In all fairness, it has to do with the trainers more than the training itself.

I will not be passing judgement on some of the places we visited because I am a firm believer in the rule "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all" but feel free to inbox me if you are truly interested and need some feedback on how to filter all those EMS studios.

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Mayssa and I are now in a committed relationship. The new man in our lives is Denis.

We took a couple's package which made the most sense financially but also to keep pushing and motivating each other. No excuses and no flaking. We hold each other accountable and this means we have not missed a training in three months!

Mostly also, because we utterly love Denis.

First of all he was the one trainer we met who did not make us feel uncomfortable (or fat, or ugly). He is not judgmental or mean. He is kind and funny and supportive and he knows how to motivate us in a fun and respectful way.

And we literally cannot wait to see him every week!

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We work hard with Denis. But he works just as hard. He never ever gives us the same training twice. That means that we do not get bored which is super important but it also means our bodies do not get comfortable. Basically, we have been seeing him twice a week for three months now and each and every time, we spend the week aching! Our muscles are surprised with every session and that is important because this resonates as actual results.

It is refreshing and fantastic that his level of commitment to our personalized program is equal to ours and he is never lazy with his approach.

It does not hurt that he is also very attentive and will make sure we do not injure ourselves (so sometimes he tweaks some exercises to accommodate my bad knees) and he will keep his fingers on the machines to make sure he changes the various intensities targeting specific muscle groups based on the exercise he gives us.

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He is a real Training Partner and did I mention we wholeheartedly, completely and entirely love Denis?

- A few words on EMS itself:
It is Electrical Muscle Stimulation. Basically you are hooked to a machine. Each and every muscle group is connected and at various intervals, the machine will electrically stimulate the muscles. It makes the workout harder but it also means each and every muscle is stimulated and working at the same time. In other words, during that 20 minutes, you can do more than a week at the gym targeting each group separately. We work on the floor, with weights, with heavy balls, with TRX, and we even do proper cardio. It is really a well rounded workout. And it is intensive and all-muscle comprising which means you can only do it twice a week maximum to give your muscles recovery time.

If you want to try out, you can buzz him at Fit Express.

They have two branches: one in JLT (on the border, easy access, no traffic) and the other in Mirdiff.

Time to get fit!
Trust me, you will love it!

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