I'm not what you would call a naive, innocent little girl.
I grew up in France, saw more in my neighborhood public high school than a Lebanese retired narc officer (OK, that may be an exaggeration, but you get my meaning) and I was the only girl in my sixth grade class that had yet to make out with a guy (what? I'm no prude but I'm a romantic-to-the-bone dreamer who spent her high school years fantasizing about her forever love; high school boys don't really fit the profile).
I am a firm believer in cohabitation; I think it's so very important to know the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with. And by "know" I mean really, truly understand their strengths, their joys, their loves, their pains, their weaknesses and most of all, their annoying little things. And understand that when two people get married, they commit to the person and all of the above as one single package; unconditionally.
Because as much as I believe in cohabitation, I believe even more in human nature. And I know from personal (modest) experience that people cannot change drastically. So if you think you can get hitched and say, well, I'll make him/her change "that thing" after we're married, think again.
You can immediately know what you're willing to compromise and live with and what you won't ever be able to stand. So why put yourself (and your partner) through hell by naively thinking you can achieve what so many others have failed at before?
Grow up. Man up. And do what you have to do before tying the knot!
I also know I'm a very difficult person. My values are very much black and white (to my loved ones' despair) and I do not ever stand, accept or even understand lack of ethics (personal or professional), decency or respect; which has been a hassle to manage at work and elsewhere.
Tolerance is a very important value, and I do appreciate it when it supports ethical positions. Tolerating racism, fanaticism, meanness, cruelty, disrespect, bigotry, and all that crap is not tolerance. It's bullshit.
But all in all, I'm a fairly open-minded gal.
I don't judge.
And I genuinely believe that people are free to make their own choices (freedom which entails the responsibility of living with the consequences of these choices afterwards).
But some choices I have a hard time understanding (not judging though). And it shocks me to find myself feeling, well, naive (to say the least).
After all the progress we've made and all the work that still remains to be done for Lebanese women to finally enjoy basic equal rights with men within our so very patriarchal society, I can't help but be deeply disappointed when I hear some stories.
As I was walking by a very well-known café in Hamra I saw a friend of mine, X. sitting there with another guy I know and a girl. She looked like any other regular 20-something girl and I assumed she could have been X.'s new girlfriend because of their proximity at the table and the fact that she answered his phone. I found out later that she was just a friend; well an extremely trusting friend apparently. She had bluntly asked X. to get her... Clients. As a good friend, she trusts him to be her pimp!
If that's not friendship, then I don't know what is!
And apparently she's not the only one. Another friend of his told him that she easily makes 400 US Dollars a night and her clients include well-known politicians (old enough to be her dad). This one on the other hand didn't need any help acquiring new "projects"; she was just sharing how she manages her expenses.
X. had previously helped a third friend who just graduated as a journalist, land a job at a prominent Arab media group. She later decided to drop the whole thing and pursue other... Options. Options which are getting her a brand new car, and even her parents seem to be benefiting from her newly found career (don't they wonder where the high income's coming from at her age?) career which I am sure is unknown to them. I guess that when you're in need and cash starts pouring in, you don't really bother asking too many questions (or do you?) and believe any explanation blindly; even as concerned parents...
All these girls say that sleeping with men they don't love is not such a big deal. They really don't think about it that much. It's not about love after all.
And I remember me, at their age, still fantasizing about my forever one! God!
What saddens me deeply is that these are young, bright girls with an education and life ahead of them. Fresh graduates who seemed to be so focused and excited about pursuing a successful career in the media industry. Making a name for themselves. Being one of the few women to achieve so much in a field ruled mostly by men in the Arab world.
I guess shopping, cruising town in cool cars and being able to afford going out every night of the week was too good a deal to pass.
Girls are not the only ones pimping themselves.
And sometimes, in a perverted way, the pimping is not even for financial gain. Some aim at marrying. Others aim at marrying rich. Most (maybe?) aim at marrying beautiful. Young people aiming so high, everywhere around us.
The song below is so funny and yet so sad when you think it is so damn real. It is in Lebanese dialect. By a Lebanese university student. About Lebanese university students. Enjoy it. I wish I could include the credits but I got it by email without any detail.
If anyone knows who made that track, please let me know.
Thanks!
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I'm very happy to update this post with some links from the talented Michelle Keserwany who left a comment
here. Many of those who left messages on Twitter will be glad to discover the pages below:
JAGUAL el USEK group on Facebook
Michelle Keserwany on Facebook
