Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Sexing it up a little bit


Recently a friend of mine, let’s call him XY… because he’s a boy (hahaha)… OK, Sorry about this lousy joke, I am filled with stupid boring jokes today (to hubby’s despair) and I haven’t been able to shut up yet.

So, again, recently a friend of mine, let’s call him XY, was very upset because he found out that the girl of his dreams, the one he had planned to marry, the love of his life is in fact a bisexual. He discovered this by mistake when she let him read an SMS she had received from her girlfriend and he confronted her by saying he felt like there was something sexual implied and she ended up spilling it out.

Obviously he was mad about the whole thing…

He was enraged that she had the audacity to tell him she loved him and yet have sex… with women.

Dude, you got it all wrong!

You should be upset, yes.

Not because she’s a bisexual; truly, pleasure and sexual orientation are personal and people are free to do as they please.

But you should be upset because you committed to someone and that person promised to commit to you in return, and then ended up betraying that commitment. That’s all.

Whether she’s sleeping around with men, women or inflatable dolls is really not the issue here.

I am big on trust.
And I am big on faithfulness.

Cheating is lying.
I hate all sorts of lies and I loathe liars.

I know, that was pretty final but it’s because I don’t compromise on that.

Also, I am a grown up woman who understands that some people simply do not want to commit; which is fine as long as they’re honest with their partners and clearly explain they do not intend on committing to an exclusive relationship.

And suffice to say I don’t care about anyone’s sexual orientation as long as they don’t impose it on others. Adults have the right to practice whatever it is they enjoy, with other consenting adults.

(Needless to say rape, pedophilia and bestiality do not fall in that “consenting adults” category.)

But to betray someone on grounds of bisexuality is a bit offensive.
For both the party cheated on and for bisexuals (and probably also homosexuals) everywhere.

As if having sex with someone from the same gender is not really having sex; i.e. not cheating.

It is one thing to say to someone:
“Listen, I’ve been with both men and women in my life, I am a bisexual, yes, but I want to commit to you”
“I am seeing other people (whether men or women is irrelevant)” ;
And it is totally another story to say:
“I love you, you are the man of my life, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, the one I want to have children with” and then go ahead and be with other people at the same time, and in hiding.

(The “hiding” part says it all; and clarifies that all excuses are just empty lies because honesty doesn’t require secrecy.)

So dear XY, let me tell you that I have bisexual and homosexual friends. None of them are cheaters and when they commit to their partners, they do it to the fullest. My advice to you is to go out there and find yourself someone as honest as these friends of mine, someone who will commit completely, and basically, someone will not lie to you.

And please, to those readers out there who are about to say this girl was probably afraid to come out and tell the truth because homosexuality and bisexuality are taboo in our country:

She didn’t have to come out.
Just like she didn’t have to pretend committing.
She could have simply said: “I want to see other people.”

The lying and cheating is what I’m taking issue with.
Not the sexual orientation.

That being said, I completely acknowledge we live in a harsh, violent society that in many instances forces us to lie, hide or pretend.

Hoping for Human Rights

Finally, it is important and relevant for me to conclude with the following:

Sexual freedom is a crucial right.

The freedom to be happy is undeniable and I hope that one day our country will finally understand that tolerance and respect of others’ choices, whether we agree with them or not, are so vital for a healthy society.

And hopefully, then, we’d find less of these young people forced to hide the truth about themselves, living in pretend relationships, while realizing their true person in secrecy.

I do know of a couple like that: a husband and a wife, both homosexuals, and who got married just so society (and their families) would get off their backs; and who now live their separate sexual lives freely, but not openly.

Truly sad to have to resort to drastic measures such as a phony marriage in order to live in peace, sort of.

With women getting closer to full citizenship and equal civil rights, I can’t help but hope all Lebanese citizens will one day be accepted without prejudice or narrow-mindedness.

Discrimination is unacceptable, on any grounds!
Intolerance is hatred and hatred is poison.
We need to learn to coexist in a healthy and nonviolent way.

And we need to redefine what’s “good” and “bad” because it is obvious that these notions have been distorted so much throughout history, it is becoming impossible to really understand them anymore!

The same applies to the meanings of “legal” and “criminal”…

(I just can’t get over how archaic and brutal our legal system is!
Reforms people, reforms!
Tolerant laws are not so difficult to accomplish, especially for such a religious people as the Lebanese who claim they are believers, root for God in about everything in their daily life; and yet can’t accept God’s most precious creation: mankind)

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