Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Nouvelle Rubrique | New Category

God's infinite... 

... Irony :-)

What? You thought I was going to say "love", or "wisdom" didn't you? :-)

Well, God in his infinite "love" for men and infinite "wisdom" and knowledge of mankind, understands the importance of a good laugh... Hence his infinite irony! 

There. Happy? :-)

This category will tell true stories I've heard or witnessed, answering the eternal philosophical question:

Is God a funny dude?

OK, so, when you're a loser who'se been enganged to a girl for seven years and she finally dumps you and runs for her life while you idiotically decide to follow her around the globe (well to one country, but still, you took an airplane to get double-dumped) and then; in the the midst of "getting her back", you sleep around and get some dumb girl pregnant; marry the mother of your child and finally, your baby-girl... ends up sharing her birthday with your ex-fiancee (nice yearly reminder of how you screwed up your life); well yes, that's God being ironic!

Come on, admit it... 
God is one funny dude! Gotta love him! :-)

OK, I'm  not totally evil, and of course I've got experiences of my own with God's irony :-) And you can always count on me to share :-)

Right now, can't help but remember Le Coup De Bol on my birthday... A similar story happened today. I had already mentioned getting my period two days ago. But it was as if nothing had happened (physically I mean, because emotionally, I'm a train wreck these days). But thankfully, there was no abdominal pain or cramps and most importantly, my legs were fine. Usually they get so heavy I can't even lift them anymore!

But today, on the day I have to wake up at 5:30am and leave home at 6:30am to reach my driving exam location by 7:00am; well it’s today, on my unusual third day of the cycle that all these pains start! 

Background Health Note: 
This is the first cycle after my last curettage and I was kind of worried these past couple of days because my period seemed "light". Usually day one is the worst and then, the following three days pass by almost unnoticeable. But there you go. I worried for nothing. Today is actually like my usual first days only heavier (which is normal after a curettage; been there, done that!). Back to our story.

I couldn’t move when I woke up. Finally, with as much effort as possible, I got dressed and sat in a fetus position on the couch awaiting the call from the cab driver picking me up. Of course, my legs were useless and my abdomen cramps were unbearable and I think my belly was going to explode! 

Seriously, no pants would fit and I settled for one of my pregnancy jump suits! Yes, there! I said it! In the unbearable heat of Dubai, I was wearing a long sleeve sweat-shirt because I can’t take my chances with the air conditioning and despite it being on in the car, I was sweating like a pig in the taxi, holding my stomach the whole time and unable to move the entire 40 minutes it took us to reach the exam center. 

We finally get there and I find two other girls already waiting. We got to talking and I discover that the first one is there for the 7th time attempting to get her license! You think it’s bad? The second was there for the 10th time!! And to save you the suspense, they both failed and will be back next week to try again. Nope, it’s no typo. There’s no exclamation point because it’s no surprise; despite the fact that trainers keep telling us every single day that we are good drivers, and that we shouldn’t worry, and that we will pass, and blablablablabla. 

I asked the girls why they didn’t ask to change examiners since it’s the same one failing them over and over. Turns out, you need to go through a tedious procedure of changing schools and moving your file and stuff before you can switch exam centers (the RTA – Roads and Transport Authority which is the governmental body to organize exams and give licenses has examiners in each schools, testing the students of that particular establishment on location; they are not employed by the school though, obviously, and you never meet them until you get a road test; they are like VIPs in closed offices with locked doors on which you find very friendly notices such as “DO NOT ENTER – RTA STAFF ONLY” or “RTA Examiner – Students not allowed”).

So here’s how it goes. Four women get in the same car and they drive around the area (on nearby roads and even a highway with regular traffic -- and when I say "regular" I mean regular in that particular area which is not residential; it's like an industrial zone with heavy traffic mainly consisting of construction trucks and lorries) and then get back to the school where the examiner will give feedback. 

Since I must be the luckiest girl alive, the examiner calls my name first so I’ve got to take the car out of its parking spot, exit the center premises and get on the road. It was actually fine. Much better than I imagined it would be considering the amount of pain I was in. 

I played my little one-woman show as planned (because instructors tell us to always do this routine in large, visible movements, even if no adjustment is needed, to show the examiner you know the drill): Sit, Seat Belt, Seat Adjustment, Steering Wheel adjustment, Center Mirror Adjustment... And the freaking hand break!!!!! My God! Everyone kept saying "mirrors, mirrors, mirrors" and I forgot the freaking hand break, which I never do by the way!!  How could I forget it?!?! I'm such an idiot! Well, actually I'm such a hormonal idiot! 

I was in such a hurry to get it over with so I could go to the back seat, assume my fetal position and just hold my stomach until I hopefully faint and stop feeling the cramps anymore! 

Anyway, I knew I had failed just there. But of course, I still needed to go on my little ride because she should check everything to tell me all my mistakes and what I should focus on next time.

So we’re on the road and all's fine for a while. Then she asks me to change lanes which I do and find myself on the middle lane which can only take me to a left turn (the left being for a U-turn and the right reserved for those continuing straight) and I make the mistake of asking her “I go left?” … And she replies “Have you even taken lessons?”…  Mmmh… Ok… That went well. So I make my turn and now in addition to the cramps and leg pains, I have urges to just slap her!

Anyway, needless to say I’ll be seeing her pretty face again next week. 

But next week, I won’t be “menstrual-sweating” and hopefully I’ll stay focused. God Willing. Crossing fingers. Touching wood. Is there anything else I can do to ensure some good luck?

So back to our topic: Yes. Getting your period on the worst possible days (like when you’re on vacation/honeymoon in Paris, oui, oui, je suis très chanceuse; on your 30th birthday; or on your very first driving exam) is definite divine irony. 

God is a funny dude indeed. Still love him! :-) After all, he’s providing me with very provocative (lol, yeah right!) and unusual material to write about :-P Gotta appreciate the help! ;-)

As I write this, I’m lying on the couch, covered in my winter blanket cramping and shivering (although it’s freaking hot outside!!) and thinking that I nag too much! :-P

P.S.  I do know I deserved to fail though :-)


L'épice said...

deserve to fail? you? my sister??? NO WAY!!! :p
yalla, Good luck for next week! and... Stay Focused!!!

~♪ bl✮g ♫~ said...

hihihi :-P

will try ;-) you know me et ma tete dans les nuages :-P