English
Lebanese Math
Bad lighting and mad overtaking are just two of the many idiocies that make the “Lebanese way” a uniquely insane way.
We have the infamous “four lanes for two lanes” rule. What the hell is she talking about you ask?! Simple, take any small one-way street designed for two lanes of cars, and you’ll find drivers squeezing themselves until finally; there are four lanes of cars in critical positions and ready to hit each other at any given moment. I have to admit, you need special talents to drive like that. I can appreciate talent, yes.
There’s also the can’t-make-up-my-mind guy who’s always in the middle of the road during traffic; continuously wondering which side to take in between two lanes. It’s the “just in case” technique which is basically to wait in the middle of the street and see which lane is faster. But since it’s traffic, no particular lane is more interesting than the other so our smart outstanding citizen ends up driving in the middle of the road, eating up two lanes, the entire time.
Craziness everywhere!
The other day, I was visiting my grand’ma who lives at the top of a little hill, so basically, we have to drive up until we reach her building’s level and then take a hard turn to the right to enter her neighborhood all the time being very careful because we can’t see if anyone is driving out of the area at the same time (it’s one of those annoying blind spots).
We were nicely parked on the side and all of sudden a gigantic brand new white Mercedes jumps out of nowhere and nearly runs me over as I walk away from our car! It was a silly 18 year-old driver with her silly girlfriend on their way to pick up a third silly buddy. The area is known to be filled with children and pedestrians, which is why drivers are always careful and enter the street slowly and cautiously. Apparently, little miss sunshine doesn’t know how to control the big fancy car her daddy probably got her the day she turned 18 after having taught her how to drive around the house a few times; all nicely wrapped with a driver’s license she proudly got test-less.
Sexy Sandwich
Crazy people in little cars are nothing compared to psychos in big trucks! Not so long ago, I twitted about an incident on one of Lebanon’s major roads:
We were driving on a mountain road at night, and of course, the lanterns were off, as expected. We were in total darkness and there was one slow truck in front of us, one eager truck behind us; and to complete the sandwich, a third truck overtook the three of us! While honking!?! For a good half minute there, we were surrounded by trucks from the back, front and sides and had nowhere to go! Did I mention that all this happened while we were taking a turn? On a mountain road? In the dark?
Twitter transcript:
The other day, we were driving from Charles Helou station towards Downtown and the traffic lights at the intersection were orange and flickering; which in light-language means: check all sides of the road and move if all is clear.
The roads at both sides were empty but the truck in front of us refused to move despite everyone’s honking! We couldn’t move either, not so much because he was blocking our way, but simply because we were laughing so hard we were cramping and had tears in our eyes. An overly law-abiding truck driver!! Unbelievable!
A nice guy in a BMW moved around the truck, honked at him, and got his hand out the window, flickering his fingers to mimic the orange flashing light and telling the truck driver that it was OK to move.
Nothing! The guy was just glued to the road!
After a few minutes, to the sound of (honk)music, he finally realized the light was not going to turn green, at all!
So he took his turn, and of course, stopped at the next traffic light. Except this one was red.
I swear to God, the guy couldn’t stop fidgeting! From the moment he reached the traffic light and until it turned green, he kept on restlessly moving a few centimeters ahead until he had literally gone past the traffic light and almost blocked the intersection!
So basically, he invents new regulations and stops when it’s not needed, causes congestions; and then when it’s completely unsafe to move, he can’t possibly hold for a few seconds and has to slowly but surely break the law, ignore a red light and cause more congestions!
Finally, a review of my fav’ categories ;)
& Don’t forget to check the visual posts ;)
We have the infamous “four lanes for two lanes” rule. What the hell is she talking about you ask?! Simple, take any small one-way street designed for two lanes of cars, and you’ll find drivers squeezing themselves until finally; there are four lanes of cars in critical positions and ready to hit each other at any given moment. I have to admit, you need special talents to drive like that. I can appreciate talent, yes.
There’s also the can’t-make-up-my-mind guy who’s always in the middle of the road during traffic; continuously wondering which side to take in between two lanes. It’s the “just in case” technique which is basically to wait in the middle of the street and see which lane is faster. But since it’s traffic, no particular lane is more interesting than the other so our smart outstanding citizen ends up driving in the middle of the road, eating up two lanes, the entire time.
Craziness everywhere!
The other day, I was visiting my grand’ma who lives at the top of a little hill, so basically, we have to drive up until we reach her building’s level and then take a hard turn to the right to enter her neighborhood all the time being very careful because we can’t see if anyone is driving out of the area at the same time (it’s one of those annoying blind spots).
We were nicely parked on the side and all of sudden a gigantic brand new white Mercedes jumps out of nowhere and nearly runs me over as I walk away from our car! It was a silly 18 year-old driver with her silly girlfriend on their way to pick up a third silly buddy. The area is known to be filled with children and pedestrians, which is why drivers are always careful and enter the street slowly and cautiously. Apparently, little miss sunshine doesn’t know how to control the big fancy car her daddy probably got her the day she turned 18 after having taught her how to drive around the house a few times; all nicely wrapped with a driver’s license she proudly got test-less.
Sexy Sandwich
Crazy people in little cars are nothing compared to psychos in big trucks! Not so long ago, I twitted about an incident on one of Lebanon’s major roads:
We were driving on a mountain road at night, and of course, the lanterns were off, as expected. We were in total darkness and there was one slow truck in front of us, one eager truck behind us; and to complete the sandwich, a third truck overtook the three of us! While honking!?! For a good half minute there, we were surrounded by trucks from the back, front and sides and had nowhere to go! Did I mention that all this happened while we were taking a turn? On a mountain road? In the dark?
Twitter transcript:
So was on the road almost all day today. What the f*** is wrong with truck drivers? Are they all insane? 9:35 PM Jan 11th
Don't get me wrong. I'm all for people having opportunities to work & make a living. But why kill us in the process? 9:37 PM Jan 11th
& It's not only in #Lebanon... #TruckDrivers everywhere seem to be insane. I'm sure driving for hours & hours can't be a joy but still!! 9:39 PM Jan 11th
Got stuck b/w 1truck in front of us, 1behind us & 1trying to overpass us + truck in front of us at once & HE HONKED! 9:43 PM Jan 11th
Seriously, we almost died like 16 to 17 times!! So many trucks & all completely insane! Overpassing! Honking! Speeding! 9:44 PM Jan 11th
THANK GOD I wasn't the one driving! But in Dubai we face the same shit on the road (..) 10:06 PM Jan 11th
Excellent! RT @w43L: @abouzeid دعوة مفتوحة من نقابة سائقي الشاحنات العمومية http://is.gd/64ScM by @HummusNation - 9:53 PM Jan 11th
Law-Abiding Citizen
The other day, we were driving from Charles Helou station towards Downtown and the traffic lights at the intersection were orange and flickering; which in light-language means: check all sides of the road and move if all is clear.
The roads at both sides were empty but the truck in front of us refused to move despite everyone’s honking! We couldn’t move either, not so much because he was blocking our way, but simply because we were laughing so hard we were cramping and had tears in our eyes. An overly law-abiding truck driver!! Unbelievable!
A nice guy in a BMW moved around the truck, honked at him, and got his hand out the window, flickering his fingers to mimic the orange flashing light and telling the truck driver that it was OK to move.
Nothing! The guy was just glued to the road!
After a few minutes, to the sound of (honk)music, he finally realized the light was not going to turn green, at all!
So he took his turn, and of course, stopped at the next traffic light. Except this one was red.
I swear to God, the guy couldn’t stop fidgeting! From the moment he reached the traffic light and until it turned green, he kept on restlessly moving a few centimeters ahead until he had literally gone past the traffic light and almost blocked the intersection!
So basically, he invents new regulations and stops when it’s not needed, causes congestions; and then when it’s completely unsafe to move, he can’t possibly hold for a few seconds and has to slowly but surely break the law, ignore a red light and cause more congestions!
Finally, a review of my fav’ categories ;)
& Don’t forget to check the visual posts ;)
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