Sunday, March 20, 2011

Bad Hair Day!


As a woman, I attest: relationships can be brutal.
Between women I mean.

Because men, they see things and do things way more easily than we do. As hubby always likes to remind me, while men think with reason, women think with their hearts which can only lead to a flood of emotions and an overdose of feelings. And overdoses are often fatal.

I am no feminist so I don't care for arbitrary defense arguments.

I am no woman-basher either, far from it; and I do not ever tolerate arbitrary sexism.

In fact, I do not appreciate extremism in anything, except Justice.

(And I am actually flattered hubby believes I think with my heart.)

He may be generalizing a bit and not all women (or men) act that way but he's just extrapolating from his mom, sister, ex girlfriends and highly lovable wifey (duh!)

Unfortunately, as I grow older (and sometimes, I can feel really really really old) I cannot but think that yes, women are indeed brutal to each other.

Out of all the girlfriends I've had since I came to Dubai in 2004, only one can be called a true friend and remains close.

Ironically, we met because her brother and I dated in college. While that relationship could have ended when my ex and I broke up; not only did it survive brilliantly but it also outlived other relationships which to me felt like they were blessed with more common grounds.

Obviously I was wrong. Some things you may think you have in common can somehow be understood very differently by various parties.

But with her, no misunderstandings.
We've been friends for 10 years now.
A decade.

It may seem long, looking at it like that, but really, that's not much for people who've been walking the face of this Earth for three times that time.

Could it be because I knew her before Dubai?
(Could Dubai be the issue? A place can change a person dramatically, yes, but somehow I feel ethical commitments can be preserved no matter where you are so I'm not really keen on blaming Dubai for certain people's choices)

There's a main secret behind this friendship's survival:
No back talk.

She's probably the only woman I know who I trust would never bad-mouth me behind my back.

She'll say things bluntly; yes, but to my face, and that's quite refreshing and actually very nice. It may also be a pain in the ass sometimes, but a pain far less atrocious than a knife stabbed in the back, no matter how abstract that knife may be.

I hope she thinks the same of me.
I think she knows the same of me.

Don't be quick to feel sorry for me already :)
I do have other friends :)

Some I only see once every blue moon.
And yet, it feels like we've never been apart.

Every time we meet, it feels comfy and warm instantly.
Like hot cocoa.
And believe me, I love my hot cocoa :)

It always feels great seeing these people. I instantly step back in my "inner time machine", that is my emotional time machine: I simply go back to feeling good.

No pretending.
No faking.
No 3 hours prepping, choosing something to wear, doing hair and make up for fear of condescending looks.

Because no matter how we show up, there will be no judging whatsoever.

Oh the judging...
Don't you just love judgmental people?

Some people have a certain quality, a certain ability to make you feel good about yourself without even knowing they've done a thing!

While others have the skills to make you feel so damn bad, you just want to scream. I wonder if it's acquired skills or just innate because it's quite scary to think that some people could be born that way.

With one look.
With one fake, really obvious bogus smile.
With one or two words that feel like a machete right in the middle in your chest (always said in the nicest of tones and washed down with a smile, mind you).

It should be easy not to cross a certain line. We're not children anymore. We don't bully each other at recess at the back of our high school.

Shouldn't we be mature enough to be able to be civil enough?

Sometimes it just feels like there's no way back. By the time you've finished fighting, the amount of bad-mouthing vomited behind backs killed any opportunity for reconciliation.

And forgiving is really, really, and I mean really difficult.
I personally have a hard time forgetting so it makes it almost impossible for me to forgive, which can be quite dangerous sometimes.

So how do I feel when...

Someone I absolutely loved decides to give me the cold shoulder?

Someone I absolutely loved says just one "hi" to me not only like we had never met before but also like there's no interest for her to get to know me in the first place?

Well I positively *almost* cried.

In public.
No, no, I managed to hold it but I was so damn crushed I felt like my heart was going to implode.

And the stupid pain stuck in my chest for hours afterward; and lingers still this morning, almost 24 hours later.

I mean when you've spent so much time together you can almost carry a conversation without words, you'd expect that even if there were or still are issues, you'd make the effort to be nice to each other. At least for old time's sake. Or simply by habit.

Well, apparently:

I was actually quite surprised when she passed by yesterday, said a cold "hi" and turned her back (and her baby's stroller) before I had the time to reply. I ended up greeting her ass.

All things considered, that specific incident wasn't that bad as I don't think anyone had the time to notice.

That definitely didn't last long since she decided to completely ignore me and pass by me a zillion times, without a word.

I should have probably said something, just for the sake of seeing how she would have reacted, but I have to admit I was actually scared she wouldn't reply at all or worse, throw a sarcastic bitchy comment my way which, at that time, I couldn't have managed to survive tearless.

Yes, yes, I am a big cry-baby.

I blame the hormones.
Those damn pregnancy hormones are killing me!
I cry over nothing these days!!
(OK, fine, I was emotional way before the pregnancy, but I still blame the hormones for both my new and old drama! There!)

I am still in shock as just last week we were invited to a barbecue at their place.

So I had absolutely no idea there was so much hatred.

Thank God hubby was away on a business trip that weekend and I am not keen on driving with the baby at night, alone, or I would have had to be humiliated in her own home which would have been so much more brutal.

So basically for two hours, common acquaintances would come, say a few words to me and just go back to sit far, far away. Totally felt like I was 15 and shunned by the popular crowd.

It had never happened to me when I was 15 so I am still a bit confused it happened now, when I am twice that age!

What hurts the most is that I should be the one all bitchy!

I got pregnant twice and had two miscarriages before being blessed with my beautiful angel Mia. She did save me that little one. For a little more than three years, I had been depressing to the extend that I hid at home, alone, and refused to socialize in any way.

Of course, friends understood me and never took it personally.

Well, the real friends that is.

Because somehow the others seemed to be very satisfied with themselves criticizing and being all upset I was "being so distant and unfriendly".

But that is behind me now.

Because I got pregnant with princess Mia.

And everybody knew how difficult my pregnancy was.

So unmanageable in fact that I had to leave hubby for almost a year and stay with my mom so she could care for me. I never went out of the house except for doctor's appointments not because I was down or depressed but simply because physically, I wasn't able to stand up.

Only a couple of my Dubai friends kept calling my mom for updates because they knew I couldn't hold a conversation over the phone without having to run to the bathroom and puke my heart out.

That also is behind me now.

I was so darn happy to be back to Dubai with a healthy baby, I was ready to see everyone!

That didn't happen quite as I expected.

Only three people called to welcome me back.

Only one came the very first day to see me and Mia.

I honestly thought, OK, we've had some bad days and issues but I'm sure she's going to be so happy for me, things will fall back into place.

After all, babies have that magical touch.
They can instantly bring people together.

Even the most stubborn parents cannot resist their grand-children no matter how final they were on never seeing their kids again.

So Mia and I came back, and not only did no one come to visit but no one even called to check how we were doing.

Just the simple social crap.
Not even that.

She came three weeks later with her husband and two other couples, probably to make sure we wouldn't be alone but also to make it clear it was a short, purely official visit; not a friendly, casual friend's meet. We had already gotten the message clearly when they said they were visiting us and another couple who had just returned to Dubai with their newborn and who live next door.

Indeed, that woman who I once took for my sister, got in my home, said hello like a distant acquaintance (I think I felt more enthusiasm from the other two accompanying her and who I only see on special occasions) and left after an hour.

That too, I've gotten over.

But what happened yesterday...

What really got on my nerves is that I truly love her kids and I was so excited to see them; especially the last one who I never had the chance to meet since she gave birth during my first month of pregnancy when I was absolutely unable to get out of bed. Hubby did go the very next day with a gift and congratulated them on our behalf.

I was so paralyzed from her cold shoulder as I was leaning down to say hello to her baby for the first time that I got speechless and couldn't bring myself to embrace her older son who I noticed was standing there only after she had turned her back.

It was awkward enough.
I was completely immobile and unable to speak.
After a few seconds which felt like hours, I eventually walked away.

That was it.
A clear message.

A fantastically obvious "I hate you".

And for what?
Because of what?

Because of some issues which with time would have eventually faded away?

Because I felt everything around me was failing: my work which I couldn't focus on anymore and my attempts at bringing a child to this world which both got me so damn depressed for three years, I had to get away from everyone including all those I dearly love?
(I am weak, fine; sue me!)

Because I had such a paralytic pregnancy I couldn't speak or see anyone?

Because I couldn't go (yet) to see the new baby?

Then why the invitation to the barbecue? Or maybe it was my lack of attendance that very weekend that was (also?) considered as a major misstep?

I honestly don't know.
And I am not sure I should really care anymore.

All I know is that unjustified hatred and immature actions in public are truly uncalled for.

I am not proud of how I reacted at the end either. I simply left without saying goodbye to anyone as all the ladies were orbiting around her and it felt like trying to infiltrate a gang.

What might have seemed like me making a point and leaving without a word was really just me being (a child) afraid of being ignored and humiliated in public.

In any case, it's over.
I know it's not new year's yet, but I've taken a new resolution:
Not allow anyone to make me feel like crap and never ever run away from anyone.

If you're still reading:

WOW! Thank you! LOL!
I can't believe you made it that far!!
I was just having a sofa-moment, ranting to my mute-shrink blog :)

Apologies dear readers,
I'm just having a bad hair day...

And as everyone knows, when your hair looks bad, the whole world looks bad!



L'épice said...

Elle ne vaut pas la peine que tu te prennes la tête pour elle, c'te conne!! laisse tomber!! ne te mine surtout pas le moral pour une merdouille dans son genre!

~♪ bl✮g ♫~ said...

T’inquiète! Je sais même pas pourquoi j'ai passé tant de temps sur une connerie pareille! Mais bon, c'est la nature même du blog-psy: déballer les conneries :P lol

Mes priorités ont été remises en place vite fait hier de toute façon. Mia est grippée et on a eu le droit à notre toute première nuit insomniaque. Nous on s'en fout de pas dormir, mais ses cris :( habibi elle m'a brisé le cœur :( elle hurlait de douleur... et de fatigue... elle n'en pouvait plus de rester réveillée et en même temps, à chaque fois qu'elle fermait l’œil rien que pour quelques secondes, elle s’étouffait :( Ce matin ça va beaucoup mieux, THANK GOD! & Hady a couru à la pharmacie chercher un "electro nasal aspirator"... Elle respire enfin!! :)